An Open Letter to J Howzie in the Hizzey (John Howard)
October 11th 2007 14:36
Dear Mr President (Prime Minister, whatever),
Can I take a walk with you? Just kidding. We all know how you like to jog. Can I take a jog with you? I'll even don my favourite green and gold trackie for the occasion.
Then during our jog we can discuss the various ways to survive in the wilderness (I think there are 36 standard ways to be exact). And for a while there'll be some small talk, maybe one of us will casually bring up the weather. Of course, I'll have to take this as a segue to discuss global warming. Then you'll awkwardly change the subject as you always tend to do when finding yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place (and if any luck you will trip over a rock that I spot on the road but cannot for the life of me speak out in time to warn you).
Once you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, you'll start talking about how great it was to wake up and go for a jog with not a care in the world. I'll take this to be the segue for why children in Iraq don't have that luxury anymore. You'll chuckle and tell me not to overreact. You may pat me on the head and call me 'Sharon'. I may have to hit you.
Then you'll say something about Aussie battlers.
Then I'll say something about Mel Gibson and his performance in Gallipoli and the irony of him being a catholic, Jew hating extremist and aren't you embarassed that in one moment he's a battler but in the next he's an anti-semitic alcoholic? and isn't that, essentially, the definition of a battler?
There'll be an awkward silence for a while.
Maybe we'll discuss Bar mitzvahs. I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
oh yeah and um...WHEN'S THE FUCKING ELECTION?
Kind regards,
Shazza
ps. If you prefer the power walk over the jog, just give us a yell.
Can I take a walk with you? Just kidding. We all know how you like to jog. Can I take a jog with you? I'll even don my favourite green and gold trackie for the occasion.
Then during our jog we can discuss the various ways to survive in the wilderness (I think there are 36 standard ways to be exact). And for a while there'll be some small talk, maybe one of us will casually bring up the weather. Of course, I'll have to take this as a segue to discuss global warming. Then you'll awkwardly change the subject as you always tend to do when finding yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place (and if any luck you will trip over a rock that I spot on the road but cannot for the life of me speak out in time to warn you).
Once you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, you'll start talking about how great it was to wake up and go for a jog with not a care in the world. I'll take this to be the segue for why children in Iraq don't have that luxury anymore. You'll chuckle and tell me not to overreact. You may pat me on the head and call me 'Sharon'. I may have to hit you.
Then you'll say something about Aussie battlers.
Then I'll say something about Mel Gibson and his performance in Gallipoli and the irony of him being a catholic, Jew hating extremist and aren't you embarassed that in one moment he's a battler but in the next he's an anti-semitic alcoholic? and isn't that, essentially, the definition of a battler?
There'll be an awkward silence for a while.
Maybe we'll discuss Bar mitzvahs. I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
oh yeah and um...WHEN'S THE FUCKING ELECTION?
Kind regards,
Shazza
ps. If you prefer the power walk over the jog, just give us a yell.
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Great banner, btw.
Comment by Nina
TV Babble
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
John Howard:
Dead man power walking.
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
And if I never hear the word battler again, it won't be too soon!!
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Same tactic, different year... he's sending out all the money he's witheld from the poor first, to butter them up.
Has Mr Howard served 11 years, or has he served 1 year, eleven times?
Great letter, I hope you send it, I'm sure he gets worse?
Lilla ...
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Michaelie
Comment by Sheree
Cliche Murder
The few joys of having a web developer for a brother! Those eyebrows have a mind of their own. I personally wouldn't want to mess with them.
Nina,
Had to do it haha. So sorry. I'll try and keep your health in mind next time the word creeps into my satire.
Damo,
hahahahaha. Dead man power walking! That's going in my personal collection (underneath the photos I have of him in my diary of course)
Kylie,
I'm thinking we should start up some sort of 'anti-battler' club. We'll need uniforms. I suggest you get on that one right away!
Lilla,
Indeed his tactics are transparent in addition to being repeated ad nauseum. 11 years? sheesh. That's half my life.
Michaelie,
I should send it. But I'm just so afraid of rejection. I could always turn it into a song? 'Dear Mr President (Prime Minister, whatever)' by Sharon (shazza)
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
The Prime Miniscule, the top rodent, is cunning and sly indeed...and yes, all those millions spent on faux electioneering...and all the promises he is making...and that fool Rudd agrees with everything he says...it seems designed to destroy economically whomever takes over..unless it is Johnny...who will find a way to deny he PROMISED anyone anything...as usual
cheers
fog
Comment by Sheree
Cliche Murder
Well yes Ruddy boy does tend to take the cautious approach by agreeing with Howard at times. But you can tell he's just waiting, biding his time until he wins and he can scream out at the top of his lungs 'TAKE THAT SUCKERS!!! BRINGING BACK THE GOUGH GLORY YEARS YEH'
Or one can only hope..